13. The young parents whose kid only cares about the Phillie Phanatic
Maybe mom or dad had hopes that their child was sentient enough to pick up on what was going on in the actual game, or maybe they thought it would help inspire their kid to sign up for little league earlier... but really, their kid only cares about figuring out what green animal the Phillie Phanatic is supposed to be.
14. The angsty bros
The angsty bros are fueled by excessive 'tailgating,' which is code for slamming lite beer in a parking lot, or, if they’re out of school and have moved onto their respective finance gigs, dropping way too much cash on stadium Victory and Shock Tops. This will exacerbate the bros’ latent angst, which they will make known by telling at any visible fans of the opposing team how much they suck at record volume, even as the Phillies are 10 games below .500.