Lifestyle

That Innocent, Adorable Baby Gorilla at the Philadelphia Zoo Is Spared From Being Named by the Internet

Published On 09/01/2016 Published On 09/01/2016

The internet will, thank god, only "curate" the name of the baby gorilla, the first of its species to be born at the Philadelphia Zoo in practically 20 years. The new addition raises the zoo's lowland gorilla population -- a critically endangered breed -- to six.

Damn, look how cute this lil handful is:

Philadelphia Zoo/Youtube

Born on August 26th, and debuted to the world on the 31st, the zoo announced that the name of the baby would be chosen by the public. To be clear, this did not mean by open submission, it later clarified, though that didn't stop half of the terrible no-good internet from demanding it be named Harambe.

Of course, we hope for its name to play off the natural whimsy of baby gorillas, yet allow it to age gracefully -- gorillas can live to be 50 years old in zoos, and nobody wants this delicate peanut to suffer the fate of a "Braelyn" or "Greyson" or literally any character's name from Harry Potter.

The zoo's list of names is TBA -- the gender of the baby gorilla is still TBD since mom Honi has been holding her little nugget so dang tight. While we wait for the gender reveal party (Will they bake a cake? Will they smash a pinata? Are we invited?) wherein the list of votable names will be unveiled, we've compiled a few names we'd be comfortable naming any of our own children:

  • Helen
  • Acorn (aw :o) )
  • Rubicon (after the canceled TV show, RIP)
  • Abraham (after our dead president, RIP)
  • Matisse (after the dead painter, RIP)
  • Bad boi
  • Egg

Though it's unlikely the Philadelphia Zoo will heed our superb advice, it at least definitely won't be listening to the dull roar of Twitter squabbling over the reincarnation of Harambe, gone but never forgotten.

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Leanne Butkovic is the baby gorilla's self-appointed aunt. Follow her on Twitter: @leanbutk.

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