Though it’s far from the days of being a well-kept secret, Portland is still a fantastic place to live. The beer scene is unmatched, it’s a great place to be single, and our summers are an unparalleled dreamworld filled with festivals, floats, and concerts. But your idea of the fantasy life you'll have here is a little off. For a city that prides itself on a relaxed, supposedly stress-free lifestyle, graduating from a newly arrived drifter to a working person with a job and a home (an “adult," if you will) is a long, arduous process. Allow us to explain the seven stages of living in Portland before you point your Subaru westward in search of greener pastures.
Stage one: The "I visited Portland once and loved it so much I'm moving here now!" phase
Where you’re living: A third-tier metropolis in the Midwest that just opened its first brewery; a town in inland California that no one cares about
Where you’re going out: That weird corner of Downtown people refer to as the "hipster neighborhood" because it has a dive bar, a coffee shop, and a place that has a few used records and trucker hats for sale
Your mantra: Random mumbled lines from the Portlandia theme song
Go-to activity: Lurking at the aforementioned bar or coffee shop and telling anyone who will listen about how uh-mazing your trip to Portland was. Want to see pictures from my trip on Instagram? Wait, where are you going?!