Stage six: The cohabitation phase
Where you’re living: The Alphabet District
Where you’re going out: You’re not, unless you’re able to trick someone into meeting you at Tony’s or Joe’s Cellar
Your mantra: Leave me alone
Go-to activity: Endlessly searching for a parking spot; fantasizing about buying real estate in Astoria, Boise, Missoula, or wherever else the "next Portland" is
You and the sassy bartender from the last tapas bar you were fired from find yourselves staring down rent increases/eviction notices at the same time, so you decide to get serious and move in together after three months of semi-regular conjugal visits. You’ve vowed to avoid the west side since the day you moved here, but you’re shocked and disappointed to learn it’s now cheaper to share a one-bedroom in the Alphabet District than it is in a more desirable part of the east side. The two of you wonder what the hell just happened when you realize you’ve talked yourselves into paying $1,200 a month for a cramped apartment with ratty carpet and the endless clatter of transients loitering in front of the McDonald’s just outside your window. You never knew it was possible to hate Timbers fans more than you do now.