Rivalry Week 2015

Why San Antonio Is Infinitely Better Than Austin

Because there's nothing quite like a good old-fashioned fight, it's Rivalry Week. Keep tabs on simmering feuds across the country right here.

I was born and raised in Austin and moved, willingly, to San Antonio (I have friends back home who still haven’t forgiven me). When I tell someone I was born in ATX, they can’t believe it, a born-and-bred Austinite is such a rare bird these days, and they’re even more perplexed that I landed in Spurs territory. But in the end it’s clear that San Antonio is the superior Texas city, here are all the reasons why.

You can afford to live here

The days of scouring Craigslist for a $900 efficiency in Onion Creek are over. If you don’t split the rent with a roommate in Austin you’re either a millionaire or Mack Brown or both. In San Antonio, most 20-somethings can actually afford a spot they’d want to invite their mom over to. In Austin, you’re lucky if you don’t live with mom.

The food is better and cheaper

Sure, Austin has great restaurants, but good luck exiting them without maxing your credit card. Austin can keep their Taco Deli and their P. Terry’s, because we have Tex-Mex times infinity, Thai Dee, Indian food that would make your little Austinite head spin, and all of the restaurants at the Pearl.

Traffic doesn’t suck

Let’s consult the Austin driving manual. 100 degrees in the middle of August? Check. A/C out? Check. Sudden uncontrollable urge to use the restroom? Check. Bumper-to-bumper traffic on MoPac at 2pm on a Wednesday? Check. Seriously considering using your passenger seat as a toilet? Check. The time of day doesn’t matter because traffic will find you in Austin.

Fiesta is better than ACL and SXSW

ACL and SXSW are pretty cool, but Fiesta is all that matters. San Antonio practically shuts down for the 11-day event full of parades, music, and fairs. The best part of the whole thing? Oysterbake. Grab a bucket of oysters and some beer and shuck 'til you drop. Your boss will more than likely forgive your absence at work the next day, too.

Go Spurs go

Don’t get me wrong -- I love UT. I bleed orange. Hook 'em. But, here’s the thing, UT football has been atrocious for almost seven years now. That’s an eternity in football years. Meanwhile, in SA, the Spurs have been dominating the Western Conference and collecting championship rings so often they must be sick of visiting the White House.

We’re nice to each other

Instead of snotty looks and bad attitudes, SA residents sit down and actually talk to each other. A trait that Austin used to be famous for has moved 70 miles South and we’ll take it. San Antonio feels like Austin did in the early 2000s -- focused on community and support rather than raising rent and stifling small business. Don’t forget your history Austin! (Long live Hole in the Wall.)

You can find a job here

And yet... people move to Austin so they can find work! True, I guess, but have you actually tried to find a job there? Its not easy with the growing amount of competition. San Antonio has ample job opportunities and they pay pretty well, too. Move to SA, get a job and a nice paycheck, save on rent money, and live like you should. 

Six Flags Fiesta Texas rules and you know it

Don’t kid yourself Austin -- you wish you had Six Flags. Imagine if you didn’t have to drive 70 miles South just to get here. What if you could buy a season pass and eat funnel cake and ride the Rattler every weekend? Next time you’re crying into your funnel cake at Fiesta Texas come closing time, thinking of your trek back to Austin, remember that you could live here too.

Ballapeño is the perfect representation of life in San Antonio

Ya’ll have Bevo but we have Ballapeño. One mascot leisurely sits in a cage on game day casting suspicious glares at friends and foe alike, the other jumps around vigorously igniting the crowd into a frenzy of delirious fandom. An ingenious mix of the words “ball” and “jalapeño” Ballapeño perfectly captures the essence of San Antonio. Bevo needs to straight-up get his act together if he wants any piece of Ballapeño.

Mark Twain told you so

A lot of quotes are wrongly attributed to Mark Twain, but there’s no mistaking this comment expressing his hate for most US cities when he said that there are “only four unique cities in America: Boston, New Orleans, San Francisco, and San Antonio.” The Great American Novelist has spoken.

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Stephen writes about all things San Antonio for Thrillist. Find him at questionable drinking establishments, karaoke stages, and restaurants with chips, queso, and beers lined with salt. Follow him on Twitter at @estebanjross for retweets and SA musings. Follow him on Instagram at @stephenjross for filterless pictures.