6. You just took your fourth shower today
After watering your massive lawn. Do you read the news? Or watch the news? Or have any means of communication with the outside world?
7. You blast music on your phone in public
If YOU want to hear your Lil Wayne in the doctor’s office or (for some reason) on your tranquil nature hike, maybe invest in some headphones?
8. You’re rocking $200 yoga pants
And you’re heading to your $200-a-month hot yoga class to sweat all over your $90 yoga mat. The only thing being enlightened: your wallet.
9. You refuse to venture anywhere outside your neighborhood
There is fun to be had beyond the three-block radius surrounding your apartment. Really.
10. You light up a cigarette RIGHT next to an outdoor patio
No, those people WANTED a smoke pairing with their fresh air and their double IPAs.
11. You get arrested on Opening Day before the first race even starts
Sadly, odds are pretty good you won’t be the only guy sitting sadly in a seersucker suit waiting for a buddy to come pick you up.
12. Your beard has taken over your face
And your identity.
13. You are consistently at least 15 minutes late
Wait, that’s everyone in SD. Consistently 30 minutes late though? That’s too far!