Things People in San Diego Say, and What They Actually Mean
Do you speak San Diegan? What, you were unaware that this city has its own language? It does! Here’s a quick primer to common phrases you’ll hear in San Diego, and what they actually mean.
“Why would anyone eat at Taco Bell when there's so much real Mexican food here?”
Translation: I’m habitually condescending. Also, I eat at Chipotle at least once a week.
“Have you been to Omnia yet?”
Translation: I have been to Omnia several times, because it is where the hot people go. As you can see, I am a hot person. Who goes to Omnia. Have you been? You probably haven’t.
“It's so expensive here!”
Translation: I've never been to or heard about San Francisco.
“People are so fake here.”
Translation: I hate it that so many people are better looking than me.
“I've never been to Comic-Con but I so want to go.”
Translation: I don't know what I'm talking about and will be overwhelmed and bored within an hour, because I don't cry tears of joy and start trembling when I see cast members of Firefly in person.
“I'm from a whale's vagina.”
Translation: I haven’t seen any new movies in 11 years. Also, I still yell “I’m Rick James, bitch” at bars.
“I hate PB, it's full of bros.”
Translation: I secretly long to know things about football. Don’t tell anyone.
“I hate North Park. It's full of hipsters.”
Translation: I used to wear a puka shell necklace in middle school. Don’t tell anyone.
“I won't even go to SeaWorld anymore after seeing Blackfish.”
Translation: I haven't even thought about going to SeaWorld since I was 10. But still, I’m taking a STAND, dammit.
“I actually really like it when it rains.”
Translation: I think this is a bold, novel opinion even though almost everyone shares it.
“Sometimes I wish we had real seasons.”
Translation: I moved here from the Midwest and will be back there within two years.
“This brunch place is legit.”
Translation: This brunch place uses that one hypermodern font on its hand-pressed paper menus. Everything is wood. The table is wood. The plates are wood. The food is... maybe wood? The waiter doesn't have tattoos so much as he is a tattoo.
“I'm not afraid of sharks.”
Translation: I pretend not to be afraid of sharks.
“I never go up to LA.”
Translation: I'm desperately afraid of making unprotected left turns.
“Let's go party in TJ.”
Translation: I'm not actually your friend.
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San Diego writer and comedian Matt Louv always means exactly what he says. Follow him: @MattLouv.