Rivalry Week 2015

13 Actual Facts That Indisputably Prove SF Is Better Than LA

Because there's nothing quite like a good old-fashioned fight, it's Rivalry Week. Keep tabs on simmering feuds across the country right here.

Every year we do this Thrillist Rivalry Week thing, and every year LA sucks for the exact... same... reasons (though, I guess they suck at sucking at new things, so that's... something?). Every year we also get the same comments on the San Francisco story reaming shit-ass LA: "You've probably never even been to LA," and "LA doesn't even care about SF," and "SD is better than SF AND LA." Well, first, I have (I lived in Westwood for three years), second, that doesn't make you suck any less, unfortunately, and third, hahahahahahaha.

Anyway, this year instead of kicking the same old LA shit-bag around World Series-title-riddled AT&T Park (ugh, they're EVERYWHERE, guys), we're gonna try something a little different -- this year we're using SCIENCE (13 actual facts!) to indisputably prove that LA is total crap compared to SF.

1. Your traffic is still hot garbage

Not only do you have the country's second-worst traffic situation, period, (good God, how bad must DC's traffic be??), but you also have America's worst evening commute, when somehow 80% of the city is congested every damn day.

2. You have the most polluted ozone in the country. Gross.

"Yeah right, I live in Sherman Oaks on the other side of the hill, and I can always see the sun." Nope!

3. The lamest college in the entire state is in LA

And that's according to an actual scientific study on California college coolness. U-clap-C-clap-L-clap-A-clap-U-C-L-A-sucks-sucks-sucks!

4. You're the 58th best-run city in America

Cities that are more well run than yours (other than SF, obviously): Fresno, CA (Fresno!); Buffalo, NY (Jesus Christ); and Detroit, MI (JESUS CHRIST).

5. It's harder to find a job in LA than it is in 113 other major cities

Including Jersey City (111th), Little Rock (101st), North Las Vegas (WTF?), Chula Vista (63rd), and, duh, San Francisco (20th).

6. LAX is maybe the worst place on the planet

And definitely the second-worst airport in the country. SFO? Try fifth best.

7. You're the second worst-dressed city in America

According to GQ. But what do they know? Oh right, this.

8. You're way more obese than we are

For every super-skinny model in Hollywood eating kale salads there are like eight dudes in Pasadena housing Tommy's chili burgers.

9. Our burritos are better

I mean, this wouldn't be the first ranking to put SF's burritos ahead of LA's; this is just the most definitive one considering 1) it's from super-statistician Nate Silver's FiveThirtyEight.com, 2) they analyzed data from SIXTY-SEVEN THOUSAND RESTAURANTS to find America's top 64 burritos, and 3) they tasted every... single... one. And not only was SF's burrito better than LA's burrito, it was better than alllllllllllllllll the burritos.

10. SF Super Bowl wins: five. LA Super Bowl wins: one.

And your one win came from the team that lives next door to us now. That's just sad, guys.

11. You have a shitty skyline

Twenty spots shittier than San Francisco's.

12. We're smarter than you

More than half of SF has a bachelor's degree (or higher!). Less than a third of LA has a bachelor's degree (or higher! But probably not!).

13. We make more money than you

Money isn't everything. But almost twice as much money (average SF income: $48K; average LA income: $27K) is kinda something.

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Grant Marek is Thrillist's Senior Cities Director and he wants a burrito right now. Get super mad at him about all of these facts that are factually facts on Twitter at @grant_marek.