13 Actual Facts That Indisputably Prove SF Is Better Than LA

Because there's nothing quite like a good old-fashioned fight, it's Rivalry Week. Keep tabs on simmering feuds across the country right here.

Every year we do this Thrillist Rivalry Week thing, and every year LA sucks for the exact... same... reasons (though, I guess they suck at sucking at new things, so that's... something?). Every year we also get the same comments on the San Francisco story reaming shit-ass LA: "You've probably never even been to LA," and "LA doesn't even care about SF," and "SD is better than SF AND LA." Well, first, I have (I lived in Westwood for three years), second, that doesn't make you suck any less, unfortunately, and third, hahahahahahaha.

Anyway, this year instead of kicking the same old LA shit-bag around World Series-title-riddled AT&T Park (ugh, they're EVERYWHERE, guys), we're gonna try something a little different -- this year we're using SCIENCE (13 actual facts!) to indisputably prove that LA is total crap compared to SF.

Flickr/Eric Demarcq

1. Your traffic is still hot garbage

Not only do you have the country's second-worst traffic situation, period, (good God, how bad must DC's traffic be??), but you also have America's worst evening commute, when somehow 80% of the city is congested every damn day.

2. You have the most polluted ozone in the country. Gross.

"Yeah right, I live in Sherman Oaks on the other side of the hill, and I can always see the sun." Nope!

Flickr/John Martinez Pavliga

3. The lamest college in the entire state is in LA

And that's according to an actual scientific study on California college coolness. U-clap-C-clap-L-clap-A-clap-U-C-L-A-sucks-sucks-sucks!

Flickr/Shane Burkhardt

Cities that are more well run than yours (other than SF, obviously): Fresno, CA (Fresno!); Buffalo, NY (Jesus Christ); and Detroit, MI (JESUS CHRIST).

Including Jersey City (111th), Little Rock (101st), North Las Vegas (WTF?), Chula Vista (63rd), and, duh, San Francisco (20th).

Flickr/Thomas Hawk

6. LAX is maybe the worst place on the planet

And definitely the second-worst airport in the country. SFO? Try fifth best.

According to GQ. But what do they know? Oh right, this.

For every super-skinny model in Hollywood eating kale salads there are like eight dudes in Pasadena housing Tommy's chili burgers.

Flickr/Wally Gobetz

I mean, this wouldn't be the first ranking to put SF's burritos ahead of LA's; this is just the most definitive one considering 1) it's from super-statistician Nate Silver's FiveThirtyEight.com, 2) they analyzed data from SIXTY-SEVEN THOUSAND RESTAURANTS to find America's top 64 burritos, and 3) they tasted every... single... one. And not only was SF's burrito better than LA's burrito, it was better than alllllllllllllllll the burritos.

Flickr/Matthew Roth

And your one win came from the team that lives next door to us now. That's just sad, guys.

Flickr/Wally Gobetz

Twenty spots shittier than San Francisco's.

12. We're smarter than you

More than half of SF has a bachelor's degree (or higher!). Less than a third of LA has a bachelor's degree (or higher! But probably not!).

13. We make more money than you

Money isn't everything. But almost twice as much money (average SF income: $48K; average LA income: $27K) is kinda something.

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Grant Marek is Thrillist's Senior Cities Director and he wants a burrito right now. Get super mad at him about all of these facts that are factually facts on Twitter at @grant_marek.