Hotel owners can basically do whatever they want, like demanding $200 when your tiny silver Scottie dog lands on their spot -- thank god you just passed Go. Park (Place!) anywhere you like, when you own the Porto Vista Hotel for a night. Little Italy's boutique, vintage Italian art-lined Porto Vista's selling itself to the highest bidder for the 24 hours surrounding New Years -- seriously, it's up on Ebay right now, ready to house your pals in its 189 recently-renovated rooms & VIP suites, with the entire staff "catering to the every need" of your closest 300 pals, which if they're anything like the 300, will be really glad there's a gym. The "owner" will score a personalized web page for reservations/custom biz cards, and get their name scrawled on the side of the hotel and on the employees' uniforms, while the 50 VIP-est guests will sup on a gourmet meal (entree choices ranging from Bacon Wrapped Lamb Loin to Crab Stuffed Scallops w/ saffron Basmati rice) from a personal chef at The Glass Door, which actually makes a better window than a door. Rockstar partying includes an Eve bash at their Ripassi rooftop/club with an open bar, personalized hors d'oeuvres, luxury cabanas, and DJ, and a boozy morning-after brunch with Hang Over Burgers (w/ confit onions/pancetta/egg/truffle aioli) and "Man-Mosas" made with Grand Marnier and sparkling wine, as anything less potent would be a cham. Bidding closes November 26th, and thus far no one's actually placed one, meaning it's still up there for the opening price of $1,000 -- so make an offer, 'cause hey, easy come, easy Go.