Sneakers are supposed to say a lot about you, but typically they only serve as lies that you're in the Air Force, or had parents cruel enough to name you Clark. To truly represent the nuances of your identity, hit up Brass Monki.
Brass Monki's a hand-painted custom sneaker shop run by a 22-year-old hobbyist-turned-pro who turns out colorful, intricate, often pop-culture-focused designs from a Merseyside studio, where, in true the-future-is-now fashion, he often web-streams his progress, much to the delight of clients, and much to the consternation of those expecting to see freckled lesbians and ingeniously disposed-of bodies. The process: email him an idea and hash out a fee, and he'll set to work on a pair of white sneakers (usually Nike Dunks), acetone-stripping them of their wax to expose the leather grain, then laboriously hand-painting them using specialist inks in multiple air-dried thin layers, air-/pin-brushing for details, and finally adding a veneer of clear acrylic for a "nice shiny finish" -- but not a nice Shine-y finish, because that would involve you jumping up and down on a trampoline with your wang flopping about. Recent works range from a World Cup series (repping every team via uniquely rejigged colours/logo); to "Blanka", showing a dark, teeth-gritted version of the green-skinned Street Fighter; to a 40th anniversary Sesame Street number featuring a cartoon Cookie Monster munching a realistic-looking snack (realistic in that it's a photo representation, and also not some politically correct carrot).
The back catalog's similarly varied, including a pair honoring Google, a bewilderingly detailed Sin City and a blood-splattered Reservoir Dogs, a graffiti-style Gorillaz tribute and a cosmic-purple Ziggy Stardust -- referencing the most common lie of all, that you're "well hung".