Get on the bus

When you think of bus tours, you probably think of a Greyhound full of octogenarians all amped up about visiting the Grand Canyon and the Hoover Dam, all the while being under surveillance by the ATF, because Demi Moore hid a stolen biological weapon in Beavis' pants. Think again, butt munch: Luxury Motor Coach Charters.

Luxury's a Canadian (!) fleet of ultra-tricked-out motor coaches w/ a selection of all-inclusive, seasonal ski packages, which you can enjoy while riding w/ up to 18 of your friends in either of their two buses: "The Royal Opal," which includes a couch-laden lounge w/ a full entertainment center, an up-front dinette and captains chair, an extendable, outdoor BBQ, and a full-service kitchen, or "The Royal Sapphire," which has all those amenities plus the unique-in-North-America feature of three transformable side sections that expand for even more room, like your sweatpants, but without the implication that you've given up on life. Their basic package's still ultra-pimp: five days of skiing on different slopes across British Columbia; sick rooms at four different resorts; the full use of the coach for nights out, etc, and a optional fully-stocked, all-you-can-drink on-board bar, or as the Canadians call it, well, the same thing, but with a hilarious Canadian accent. Other packages vastly expand the offerings, with possibilities including gourmet dinners with a personal chef, a hostess to serve as beer/food wench, heliskiing and white water rafting specials, and even an on-board ski instructor, 'cause someone's going to have to tell you when to go from pizza to French fries.

Over the summer, the buses are available for golf trips, and the owner'll also work with you on custom itineraries, possibly even to the upper Midwest, where it can serve as more spacious masturbating alternative to Tom Anderson's camper.