The Samsung Behold II

This V-Day, skip the traditional presents -- chocolate, flowers, a note reading "I'm sorry this is too much for me but maybe in a few years I'll deserve someone like you" -- and go with a can't miss gift: the Samsung Behold II.

The Samsung Behold II is a touch-screen, Android-powered smartphone armed with Samsung's brilliant AMOLED screen, so videos, websites, and your choice from thousands of Google apps will look amazingly bright and clear. Featuring the smoothest cube display this side of Q*bert, the Behold II comes with everything your girl needs for modern communication/work blowing-off. Take a moment to eyeball the other features:

Text, video, and instant messaging, 5 megapixel camera, video capture/playback, music player, high resolution screens, touch screen with on-screen keyboard, real web browsing with Wi-Fi, photo caller ID, micro SD memory slot, built-in GPS, and e-mail, instant, and picture messaging, so you can constantly remind her how handsome you think you are.

From February 12-15, you can snag the Behold II at a pleasingly sensuous price ($79.99 after instant rebate with a 2-year contract; $149.99 w/ same deal after the 15th). Use the extra money on the therapy that'll get you to a more mature emotional plain -- or, more satisfyingly, on sweet, sweet chocolate.