Train like a caveman

The World's Strongest Man competition is a classic I'm-bored-and-nothing-else-is-on-TV favorite, displaying men who're incredible at lifting things, pulling other things, carrying still other things, and most crucially, being named Magnus. Get your own strong man workout, if you've got the Atlas Stones, at Primal Fit Miami

Primal's the sinew-straining brainchild of Matt Pack, who trained individual clients for years before finally getting a gym in which to ply his hyper-elevated caveman-fitness workout routine -- basically how Bill Kazmaier would get ripped -- based on the "seven primal pattern movements necessary for our ancestors to survive", most notably the shift from gingham to plaid. The gym scraps all fancy-pants Cybex-type machines for raw pushing/ pulling/ twisting/ etc. tools of pain, like a "super yoke" you attach to your neck so as to drag a heavy sled around like an ox, a handle-equipped "strong man log" you lift above your head, and truck tires you'll bash with a 5ft mace, which by comparison, would make Diddy like 4'2". He's also got "battle ropes" with which to either play tug-of-war with other trainees or hand-over-hand pull an SUV, and plenty of strength/cardio exercises, from running with a 50lb beer keg that's half-filled so it sloshes around, to a bear crawl where you're hooked up to resistance bands and run on all fours until you finally make one last stretch and extend to touch a cone -- which, if you were a Miami-Dade highway worker, would get you $50/hour plus overtime

Before hitting the hardcore workouts, Primal's trainers'll run you through an evaluation to see where you're at along with some nutrition counseling, and if you mention Thrillist through April 7th, they'll hook you up with a free class, although if anybody could use some class it's Magnus Ver Magnusson...that dude walks like a farmer!