2009, the Year in Headlights

Drink: As bionic grape hooch resulted in delicious concoctions and adolescent behavior fit for the back of a school bus, other partyers got themselves into a pickle that could only be fixed via a highly democratic process.

Food: Transported in a glistening chariot, the two substances a man needs to live were safely delivered, providing nourishment to the people and thwarting a potentially disastrous culture clash.

Gear: As fashion took a turn back to the styles of the Old Testament, a series of clandestine naval operations attracted the eye of the authorities, although all was forgiven once they noticed they had the good looks to get into the Skulls.

Events: A thoughtful conversation with a man who does his work in backyards lead to enlightenment about Chewbacca and Richard Simmons' shorts, while a true visionary spurred young men and women to consume ambitious amounts of grog, leading them to see the writing on the wall.

Services:Under cover of darkness, the company presented its plan for creation of a new, beautiful game, only to be thwarted by the fury of beautiful villains.