So much more than clown college

As a kid, the spectacular feats of the circus seem truly magical, until you found out the hard way the unicycle-riding monkey wasn't actually tossing fresh, delicious fudge. Embed yourself to get back at that punk, after attending the All Star Circus School

All Star's a new institute of higher (and lower) circus education, based in what's essentially a gymnastics studio filled with big-top paraphernalia & tools of the trade like unicycles, juggling knives, and trapezes, and run by a ringmaster who had a circus-inspired solo comedy show for years and is one of the largest men to ever perform the "body through the tennis racket" routine -- an ability most of us lose shortly after performing the "body through the vagina" routine. While classes vary it's best to start with Circus 101, a two-day workshop that devotes 90 minutes each to skills like tumbling and gymnastics (head stands, judo rolls, "classic" circus tumbling, etc), tight wire, acrobatic partner yoga, juggling with objects of escalating danger (start with soft sacs, eventually get to knives), and whip skills to prepare you for when a problem comes along. More advanced work can be done in the realms of aerials, where you learn to perform feats on the static trapeze, the lira (a metal loop on a rope), and long silks that hang from the 25-foot ceiling, as well as clowning, where you'll develop a character via improv, the way you walk, prat fall, mumble/yell, and use slapstick -- which to this point you only practiced alone, in your room, with headphones on if your roommate's home

All Star will also be offering a Circus Boot Camp, using big-top skills and apparatus to build upper body/core strength and coordination via action like skipping rope and doing gymnastics at the same time, doing trapeze chin ups, executing super-slow leg raises while hanging from the lira, and riding a unicycle -- letting you develop a new appreciation for just how talented that little sh*t was.