Every so often, a lone seer of truth awakes among the misguided masses to restore order, like Neo bursting from his pod to deliver awareness, and special effects that'd be intolerable by the sequel. Getting jettisoned from its own slimy purgatory to awaken Ocean Drive, The Betsy, now open.
Opened in 1940 as the Betsy Ross, shuttered in '07, and just renovated and re-opened sans flag-crafting connotations, The Betsy defies the neon and deco of Ocean Drive: outside, a Southern plantation peering over the lawn of Lummus Park and the ocean, inside, wooden antique globes, zebra framed mirrors, safari pictures...and a bar. 63 rooms and suites all get breezy colonial details (hardwood floors, 4-post beds), but've also been tech-infused w/ wi-fi, iPod docking stations, plasmas doubling as computer monitors, and TVs built into bathroom mirrors, so you can finally watch yourself watching Skinemax. Grub and bar're provided by an outpost of NYC's much-loved BLT Steak, with earthtone and blond wood seating filling the southern half of the lobby, and a menu that hones the American steakhouse with certified Black Angus or USDA Prime steaks, and American & Japanese Kobe, both of whose wives hate them but will gladly take the diamonds.
Outside, there's a heated courtyard pool w/ staff dishing frozen fruit and chilled face towels, and a rooftop solarium w/ overhead sails for shade, outdoor showers, and lounge chairs -- because sometimes, it's actually preferable to vegetate in a luxurious, gooey coma.