While soccer is arguably Miami's favorite pastime, it's tough to find a place to play a full-on game thanks to limited open space, combined with Carlos Valderrama's hair getting in the way of everything. Solving at least the first part: Soccer Town.
Set with a badass backdrop of Midtown's new MiMo highrises, Town's the realized dream of two straight-up Colombian business dudes who thought the lack of field space in soccer-mad Miami was just criminal, and brought in Florida high school soccer legend Adria "Pinky" Gaete to run things, at least when she's not scheming with Brain every night to TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. The pitches: three outdoor, netting-separated, FIFA-regulation, turf-equipped fields (boasting room for 6-on-6 matches), which on weekends are combined into one mega-field for eight-sided contests, or how octopuses play Rock Paper Scissors, against themselves. They've also got big ol' lights for night games, a dedicated lot with plenty of free parking, and an umbrella-tabled concession stand selling quick eats, sports drinks, and soon, beer and wine, because you can't expect Paul Gascoigne to make it through a game with just a Gatorade jug of Chablis now, can you?
Right now they're building out same-sex and coed leagues of all ages and skill levels, and they're also setting aside times for groups in case you want to face off against your coworkers and friends, even though Fez was on a different sitcom altogether. Oh, that's Wilmer Valderrama? Whatever, he's annoying too.