Because you won't drive five hours and pay two grand for Super Bowl seats, and because your mom wouldn't drive five minutes to cook you Super Bowl snacks even if you paid her two grand, we've consulted with some local gluttony experts for these idiot-proof game-day recipes.
Football Finger Lick Ribs
Kris Wessel, chef and owner, Red Light Miami
These pork spareribs are bigger and meatier than babybacks, and hold their sauce so admirably, you'll pledge their fraternity.
Let us show you how, here
From Brosia chef Arthur Artiles
Whether you dunk them in soy sauce, ponzu, or even a blend of mayo and Chipotle Tabasco, these double-fried cardio-assassins are basically French fries' philandering dad.
Learn the double-fry madness here
Sunday Bloody Sunday Bloody Mary
From Florida Room head mixologist John Lermayer
With added booze and heat from Asia and the Caribbean, this bloody holds up to both robust food and a robuster hangover.
Here's how to make your Sunday best