Time to get in shape
For every discipline, there is a master: Mr. Miyagi schooled Ralph Macchio in "wax-on wax-off" so he could thwart the most vicious attack, while Xian Chow pulley-stretched Van Damme until his splits were worthy of finishing the worst dance ever. For a variety of masters under one roof, overconfidently roll up to Elite Plus Fitness
Founded by a mountain of a former Egyptian Judo champion so badass he actually has MMA moves named after him, EPF's gathered a grizzled crew of variously disciplined lifetime fighters and locked 'em beneath a nondescript copy store in a no-frills basement: heavy bags hanging like sides of beef, a tractor tire for flipping/ sledgehammerin', a ring, matted flooring, and a soundtrack that includes the crunching power chords of...Prince? One-on-one bash sessions're available with the likes of a Japanese karate/jiu-jitsu pro, undefeated in his homeland and en route to the inaugural PRIDE event (in Japan, not Chelsea) before a career-ending spine injury; former WBO super middleweight champ Kabary Salem, aka The Egyptian Magician; one of only six Americans to receive the Israeli Krav Maga Association's highest-level certification; a ten-time consecutive Egyptian wrestling gold medalist; and a World Oyama champion kickboxer from Poland, who's not laughing at your joke, but rather funny it'll be when he kills you with a light bulb. When not training UFC contenders and pro boxers like Ramadan "The Holy Man" Yasser, EPF's deadly crew also offers group classes covering MMA, judo, jiu-jitsu, boxing, kickboxing, tae kwon do, Krav Maga, and wrestling, plus blends elements of each into cardio workouts, giving you the stamina to execute your own fighting style, Girlscream Runaway
Because looking like you can kick ass is half the battle, EPF's planning to set up workout equipment from free weights to cable machines, though they'll need an outdoor space to incorporate the ultimate training technique: strapping meat to your pants and having you chased by the worst dog ever.