Hiding inside every man scoffing at our vapid celebrity-obsessed culture is a tittering teenage girl still trying to make out with Kirk Cameron's Tiger Beat spread. Release her, with OMGICU

From a mobile engineer who thought Gawker Stalker just wasn't celeb-endangering enough, OMG's an sms-based social network that notifies you by text message whenever another member randomly spots a medium-to-big shot in NYC. To begin the shameful titillation, drop your name & password, confirm your mobile #, then choose which hoods you want to monitor (from fameball-packed Tribeca, to Mos Def-packed Brooklyn), or monitor the entire city and sprint between Greenwich Village (Haley Joel Osment), Chelsea (Bravo style maven Tim Gunn), and Murray Hill (Megan Fox, accompanied by the ultimate accessory -- Carrot Top). Every sighting comes with the spotter's trenchant observations ("David Schwimmer outside of Soho House, looking sluggish and fat"), and each sighting's tracked online, where users can vote on whether or not they actually care; high collective-caring scores garner A-List status (Mike D., Parker Posey), while the irrelevant are relegated to the C- and D-list -- sorry Tim Robbins, hanging out with your hockey stick and skates at Houston and 6th Ave

Soon OMG'll let members rank each other on how worthwhile their sightings are -- a system you'd totally dominate, if you had your Yothers.