You got a tax refund or you didn't. Either way, you'll need this.

You know in Glamour, that magazine that you always read, how they do that one feature called "Splurge vs. Steal" where they show you some really expensive clothes, and then the cheaper versions of them that you're supposed to... um... steal? Well today is Tax Day, which means either a) you owe the government so much money that they've already repossessed your extensive collection of Glamour magazines, or b) you are now a hundred-aire who totally has some cash to blow. So, taking the very fashionable cue of the ladies at Glamour, we're sorta doing the same thing, but minus the clothes. And the stealing

House to buy if you got a huge tax refund:It's a 150yr-old, baroque-style Turkish mansion with five stories, its own garden, and a private pier. It'll run you $115mil, largely because it's "one of the most distinguished mansions of the Bosphorus". WHERE TO BUY IT

House to buy if you didn't:This house costs $1,500. Why? We'll let the property details speak for themselves: "THIS IS A QUIT CLAIM DEED SALE. BUYERS AGENT TO VERIFY INFO. AGENT IS SELLER." WHERE TO BUY IT

Boat to buy if you got a huge tax refund:Because you now totally have 115 million euros to burn, trade 'em in for this boat that has room for 12 and features amenities like two gyms, a dive center, a full-screen theater, a Bose entertainment center, and a Fuchs gantry system!!! WHERE TO BUY IT

Boat to buy if you didn't:This is a $50 boat where your motor is left inside of your boat instead of annoyingly attached to the back. WHERE TO BUY IT

Burger to buy if you got a huge tax refund:The FleurBurger 5000 costs $38 $5,000 and includes a Kobe beef patty topped with foie gras, a rich truffle sauce, and black truffles that're shaved (instead of landing stripped). It's all served along with a 1990 bottle of Chateau Petrus served in Ichendorf Brunello stemware that you. Get. To. Keep. WHERE TO BUY IT

Burger to buy if you didn't:This doesn't cost $5,000, but does cost 48 cents. WHERE TO BUY IT

Headphones to buy if you got a huge tax refund:The perfect Christmas gift for your butler's butler...'s butler, these headphones (which they only made 300 of) cost $29,094. WHERE TO BUY IT

Headphones to buy if you didn't:These are no ordinary $1.49 stereo earbuds. No, these guys have optional foam earpads you can install "or save" (!!!). WHERE TO BUY IT

Car to buy if you got a huge tax refund:The weirdly punctuated Mercedes-Benz S63 AMG L 7G-Tronic *Panoramic Roof*Entertainment*. It costs almost $10mil, is only listed on weird German sites that can't be translated, and includes awesome amenities like Sprachbedienungssystem Linguatronic Deutsch. WHERE TO BUY IT

Car to buy if you didn't:After you're done buying your $1,500 house, get a $232 car to match! WHERE TO BUY IT