Hard rock. Free beer.

Between playing drums with Ben Harper and the Relentless 7 and exploding minds with SXSW-bound Fort Worth power-stoner collective Epic Ruins, Jordan Richardson is a busy man. Fortunately, he had just enough time to talk about Horned Frogs and heroic rats:

Epic's album -- Void Mariner and the Mystic Boogie of the Sacred Line -- isn't available on CD, only vinyl and iTunes. Was there a temptation to be totally purist and go vinyl-only? Vinyl's what we're all about in terms of prog conceptualism, but it's a big deal for us to transcend what rock bands have been, so digital was a requirement. F*** CDs. They're stupid.

Who are your major influences, and is it true that one of them is the fantasy classic The Beastmaster? Absolutely. Basically what they thought other planets looked like in 1974, is what we try to sound like. I also like Steely Dan -- my sister thinks that's not OK, because something about them is really unsettling and predatory and makes her sick to her stomach, but we're all about that. Except the predatory part.

Back to Beastmaster: which of Dar's ferrets did you prefer, Kodo, or Podo? I'm a Kodo dude. If I were into that sort of thing, he's who I'd want to date -- the ferret I'd want to have with me in an airport Chili's during a long layover.

Epic's Austin show will only be the fourth time you've played live since forming in 2009. Why so rarely? We just want to play when it makes sense, make it an event, instead of getting in a van and burning money from city to city -- which I've done, and it made me hate people I cared about. Plus, we've only got one record and we play it top to bottom. If we did that all the time, it would be fairly annoying.

Your artist collective's throwing a party called SXSWizard. Who are your favorite wizards ever? Edgar Winter is my #1 favorite wizard. I think he invented the keytar by slinging a Moog around his neck. My second favorite is Gilbert Arenas. He's with the Magic now, but he is staying within the realm of mysticism and professional basketball. With the event, we just wanted to bring together filmmakers, designers, and musicians, make it weird with alcohol and lasers and smoke machines, and party from midnight to sunrise.

How did you get hooked up with the Relentless 7? Ben had our guitarist Jason play on Both Sides of the Gun. Jason suggested bringing in me and (R7 bassist) Jesse Ingalls, and it went really well. Two years later, we get a call from Ben, and he says he wants to form a band, so now I'm in a band with two of my best friends and Ben Harper.

Does Ben Harper always have to steal his kisses from you, or do you just give Ben Harper his kisses? It's a two-way street with the kisses, a giving environment. Ben encourages an ethical lifestyle, and stealing kisses would be assault. I think?

You're working on another Epic Ruins opus, and developing an accompanying film. Is there no limit to your ambitions? We'd love to rival the Tea Party for influence, but instead of lower taxes, we'll be fighting to make kids wear those weird masks like in The Wall while they salute the flag every morning. Except it won't be a normal flag -- it will be the Lynyrd Skynyrd tour flag.

Now, most importantly: will TCU's football success be an LP, like Yes's Tales from Topographic Oceans, or a single, like that song by the girl with the "$" in her name? I went to the Rose Bowl in a purple Adidas tracksuit that made me look like a gay Reverend Run, so I'll say classic album, maybe more like No Jacket Required by Phil Collins, with the poor performance against SDSU being their "Sussudio". They can't be Ke$ha -- she makes me want to vomit, out of my butt.