Lifestyle

Dr. Dre Started Burning Man

The internet's a treasure trove of conspiracy theorists, from wackos claiming the IMF controls all world governments, to videographers blowing the lid off inside job after inside job. And some outside jobs, by the pool, or in a van...or is that also an inside job? Now exposing the dopest conspiracy of all: Dr. Dre Started Burning Man

Put out by an irate ATX-er in the medium favored by the most indefatigable researchers (Tumblr!), DDSBM's dedicated to busting Burning Man's patchouli-scented bubble and showing it for what it really is: a long-term investment by West Coast hip hop impresario Dr. Dre, who alone is responsible for Fest tickets costing way more than 50 Cent. The alleged skinny: while scouting locations for the '95 video for "California Love", Dre stumbled upon the setup crew for the then-free festival in Nevada's Black Rock Desert and learned that their land permit was set to expire; being a "financially focused man", Dre agreed to pay for the permit as long as he could charge a ticket price that has steadily inflated from 35 to 300 bones over 16 years, this year alone grossing Doc upwards of 10mil before expenses, which presumably include tons of X, followed by an exceedingly long session at a Detox clinic. The most damning evidence so far's a handwritten note to a female associate in which Dre relates that he "ran into a bunch of naked, crazy, m**therf**kers in the desert" and that he was gonna have his office look into "making some loot off these fools", before closing the letter by telling his ladyfriend he wishes he was "up in that ass", after which it'd take days to forget about Dre.

The mysterious author has also posted videos asking unaware Burners how they feel about the secret financing; he's hoping submissions from readers like you will further dialogue on the dichotomy of hippie ideals and hip hop monetary fetishism -- though let just any wingnut contribute, and this theory will quickly devolve into a Lyrical Gangbang.