Some things are complicated, like superstring theory. Some are not, like bacon jerky. Since superstring theory's impossible to get out of your teeth, eat Bacon Jerky. From Bacon Freaks, the pork-crazed visionaries who brought us bacon-spiked pancake mix, this 100% swine line claims to be the world's first commercially produced bacon jerky, making them every bit as awesome as the dude who invented sex. Eschewing commercial bacon, most of which's pumped full of flavor-sapping water, the Freaks start with hearty cuts of their in-house Boss Hog brand, which's hickory smoked, hand rubbed, and dry-cured to produce an ideally meaty slab; the hog then undergoes a proprietary convection oven process and emerges fully jerkified, with its fatty deliciousness still intact and in strips so easily chewable, they won't be the least bit at odds with your Polident. The initial line includes five flavors: Honey BBQ, Cajun Style, Jalapeno, Pepper, and a sticky-sweet tomato number called Summer BLT, because you've got all winter to eat lettuce. If bacon jerky's a little too real for you, you can tone it down with their Ham Jerky, a less-fatty jerk product made with hams aged for almost an entire year to bring out their flavor, because some things are complicated, and others are not, like forgetting about a ham for a year to contemplate bacon.