Equmen

The classic undershirt may prevent a few pit stains, but can it improve posture, support core muscles, regulate body temperature, increase energy levels, visibly slim your torso, and increase wang size by four-to-six inches? Well other than that last part, Equmen sure can.

Inspired by the physiological benefits compression garments give athletes, Equmen uses scientific performance technologies to engineer basically-bionic undershirts that help men look, feel, and perform better at jobs that don't require they hit hard, go deep, take it to the hole, or any number of other vaguely innuendous terms. Said science starts with trademarked Helix-Mapping tech (developed by physiotherapists, ergonomic consultants, and athletic garment engineers), which uses a circular knitting machine to vary the inlaid structures on a single piece of fabric, meaning different areas of the shirt get endowed with different properties, e.g., ribbed lines around the core and shoulders mimic a tape job, providing lower back support and improving posture, while a pocket of breathable mesh along the lower back allows for higher ventilation, which'll suck if you tend to fart up. Other future-shirt features include a top-quality wicking treatment that's fused into the thread instead of applied as an after-treatment (improving both comfort and heat regulation), and a super-snug fit which smooths and sculpts the physique as the shirt warms from body heat and self-adjusts, like a body-coating space ooze that hopefully won't ruin Spiderman 4 too.

Equmen shirts come in long sleeve, v-neck, or tank, but plans're on the horizon to also drop a line of similarly supportive underwear, which is also completely guaranteed to not do crap for your wang.