You find food interesting, but like other things you're intrigued by (philosophy/karate/women), you're not going to invest a great deal of time studying it. Get the Cliffs Notes: The Food Snob's Dictionary
Written in a conversationally encyclopedic style shot through with disdain for Food Network savants, the just-released TFSD's a culinary primer you can finish by the end of your Boston Market Family Feast. The volume's loaded with cross-referenced short entries on foods (fingerling potatoes), personalities (the "southern-gothic alcoholic" Times critic Craig Claiborne), techniques (knife skills), and foodie-favorite shops (Santa Cruz's Dirty Girl Produce, which you should probably wash). Throughout, your unashamedly clueless perspective is nurtured, as evidenced by this on the Geoduck: "Giant saltwater clam with alarmingly phallic siphon that hangs, John Holmes-like, out of its open shell" -- proving that, though the authors keep abreast of cuisine, their familiarity with male adult superstars is sadly out of date
Everything's not high-minded, as evidenced by granular asides like the "Guide to Food Snob Guilty Pleasures", running down hot dogs, Cheez Whiz, Starbucks, and French's French Fried Onions -- four subjects you have studied, as evidenced by your chubby body of scholarly work.