While winter sees children exuberantly bounding through the snow to frolic with shiny new sleds and snowball scoopers, the only acceptable cold-weather toy for a grown ass man is the one that can kill him. Enter the Grinch Winch.
A stationary winch that yanks you across two football fields worth of terrain, the GW's industrial heart's a 7hp engine capable of hurtling you at speeds of up to 30mph, the most fun anyone's had with a 7hp engine since that time your dad got high and went leaf-blowing. Strap the GW tight to a car, tree, or any nearby immovable super villains (that's a fourth-rate super power, Blob), walk out the slack, hop onto your sled/ski/snowboard, and use the handlebar's moto-style throttle control to send you screaming back towards the winch while pulling monster tricks like 360 Tail Grabs and Facedrag-into-GirlSqueals. Should you wish to abort your terrifying journey, the Grinch boasts a built-in hydraulic brake system that promises "quick and easy stops" (of the rope) which, given the fact you'll still be left hurtling at inordinately dangerous speeds, may lead to the quick and easy clean-up of your powdered skeleton.
Of course a toy of this magnitude comes with versatility, meaning you can hook up and satiate your deathlust wakeboarding, skateboarding, or even rollerblading, though if you're doing the latter, you're probably already dead on the inside anyways.