The internet is a surprisingly efficient substitute for a girlfriend, providing ample ready-to-cook meals, free smut, and people endlessly complaining about everything. Now it can shop for your clothes, too, thanks to Hendricks Park.
Launched by a wife horrified by her other half's wardrobe choices, HP's a virtual stylist service for shopping-phobic dudes, employing a legion of lady fashion experts to source the finest threads and delivering them directly to your door, where nobody will make fun of your baby phat. Once you're in, one of their experts'll organize a prelim 25 min Skype conference (even shipping you a webcam if need be), during which you'll discuss everything from sizing to any upcoming style requirements, all to better "personally know you and recognize your individual needs", though if you have "needs", enjoy your new skirt. Your sartorial confidante'll then ship over a selection of prospective outfits from their roster of 70-and-growing top brands (J. Lindeberg, Ted Baker, Jeremy Argyle, Nau...), which you'll model for approval during a follow-up Skype sesh, paying only for those you elect to keep at a price on par with retail, though why even bother changing your clothes if you aren't trying to get new tail?
Should you be hopelessly lost with your current closet, they even offer a complete wardrobe analysis, helping you coordinate outfits and decide what to toss out, something that may happen to you if your girlfriend discovers the internet is cooking you breakfast after you listen to all of its problems then bang it.