One need only count the rings in your ossified liver to know you're a pro at prematurely aging your body -- but what about those things you actually want aged? When it comes to denim, leave it to James Jeans.
From a Seoul-born LA transplant, JJ recently launched an e-shop pimping their unique leg-threads, which harness the powers of science and sunlight to rapidly achieve the wizened beauty of age -- a veritable George Hamilton for your ass. The fun starts by swathing premium, custom-woven, ring-spun denim with proprietary photo-sensitive organic oxidants, then creating detailed "whiskers and crunches" with calligraphic brushstrokes; next, the jeans are left at least two days in the scorching Cali sun, with the oxidants acting as anti-sunscreen to cause "spontaneous aging" -- negative-5000 SPF that if you'd had in college would've made your spring breaks less pasty. Once sufficiently oldened, the brakes're applied with multiple residue-removing rinses, and the wash is set with a stay in an oxygen-free vacuum chamber and via a resin seal -- pray no mosquitoes get trapped in there, lest Richard Attenborough one day start drilling directly into your crotch.
JJ's current collection spans 17 washes in four styles (boot, relaxed, slim, and straight), but because "a man needs his breathing space", all styles're cut generously in the groin -- a luxury the little guy's earned, as he too has suffered through ten lifetimes of abuse.