The only problem with the Kumite -- the ultimate trial of skill, will, and battling sans eyesight once bitch-titted Chong Li starts playing cheap -- is that its competitors are boring humans. See what Van Damme could do with a few more appendages, and compound eyes: Japanese Bug Fights. JBF curates vicious backyard arthropod brawls governed only by three rules: 1) Two bugs to a fight, 2) Fights go as long as they have to, 3) No outside weapons (blades/brass knuckles/windshields). Narrated in what's presumed to be Japanese by an alternately shrieking and gaspingly contemplative play-caller, each of the 25 brutal battles rages on until a bug succumbs to poison injection, gets eaten, or its corner throws in a tiny towel. After watching the pulse-pounding round-robin between everything from bees, to centipedes, to tarantulas, you'll learn two lessons: despite their superior reach, praying mantises are pretty much bitches, and "Always bet on beetle". Five new sanctioned fights are scheduled through the end of the month; in the meantime, visitors are urged to submit their own bug-battles -- which you'll gladly do, once you find the insect equivalent of "guy who fights like monkey" vs. "guy who played Ogre in Revenge of the Nerds".