If you can't muster up the strength to grill for yourself, stuff your belly with some mail order BBQ this Labor Day Weekend:
This Memphis rib haven's giant slabs are slow-smoked that day and immediately FedEx'd, so they arrive at your door still smelling of charcoal pit.
Salt Lick BBQ
Located just outside Austin, The Lick's famous for its beef brisket. But for more variety, get the $114 Salt Lick Special: 1 brisket, 1 rack of ribs, 1 smoked turkey breast (habanero or traditional). Enough food for 10 of your normal-sized friends, or five of your big ones.
Jack Stack BBQ
JS's $79.95 Big Kansas City sampler includes brisket, Strawberry Hill sausage, and the local delicacy, meaty burnt ends (literally the chewy burnt ends of brisket). Plus, you'll get a quart of their famous Hickory Pit beans, ensuring a month of Hickory Pit acid reflux.
No matter what you choose, the prep is minimal, requiring only a few minutes in the oven or microwave -- great for inherently lazy dudes or those who tend to set themselves on fire while grilling. Plus, the leftovers keep for up to a week, so after you suffer a BBQ-induced stroke on Monday, you'll still have edible meat to come home to on Friday.