Love In The Dumps

Outward contempt is frequently a cover-up for hushed desire, proven by every broke-ass dude ripping a buddy for his IROC, and those grade school girls who teased your runny nose when all they really wanted was to hokey your pokey. For the dating-site version of such false hate, check Love In The Dumps.

From a duo who briefly soared to great dating heights before nosediving into a just-friends pile of wreckage, Dumps is a "flaw-based" community of "relationship retards" brutally parodying generic dating sites by creating a site...where people make profiles...and attempt to date. Membership begins with filling out a Mad Libish profile, which derisively answers questions about your grotesque physical appearance and past relationship disasters, all available for community perusal in the "Impersonals", leaving you wondering how such bitingly clever punsters never get laid. You'll also be auto-assigned a Myers-Briggs-esque "Toilet Rank", equating you to similarly loveless notables from Hamlet to Whitney Houston, which can only be changed by taking a multi-choice quiz to assess dysfunction level, with queries from "If someone doesn't like me, I..." ("stalk them on Facebook", "m*sturb*te to their likeness", etc), to whether coital culmination makes you look at your partner with "gratitude", "creeping disgust", or just puzzlement as to who the hell they are.

There's also Dysfunction Junction, a photo comic strip chronicling the insecurities of a newly courting couple, and the MST3K-style "B*tch Whispers", featuring three catty women ripping fashion photos from the web, but as you learned in grade school, when a woman says a sitar-playing hippy's "p*nis probably smells like Chili Cheese Fritos", she really just wants to Yonder his Mountainous String Band.