The Padlock Hack

From America's global moral authority to Alec Baldwin & Kim Basinger's love for one another, some things just can't be broken. Padlocks, however, are no longer among them, thanks to the Padlock Hack Sheet. Desecrating the sanctity of locker rooms and hilariously-oversized luggage trunks the world over, Hack's a terrifyingly simple step-by-step guide to cracking the code for any combination-based padlock, bringing you within trembling twists of that sweet, sweet bounty of French III textbooks. Verified by a crack team of scientists interns, follow these simple steps: Step 1: Starting at 0, gently pull down as though opening the lock, then slowly spin the dial counter-clockwise until it sticks. If the number is a whole number (i.e. not resting in between two numbers) record it, continuing the process until you reach 0 again. At this point you should have 5 whole numbers. Step 2: Four of the five numbers will end in the same digit -- the one that doesn't is the last number in your lock's three-number combo. Since certain numbers on a padlock are inextricably linked, this number narrows down the possible combinations to 100 -- aka one season on Melrose Place. Step 3: Trial-and-error out the combination grid linked below, and pull the lock open. Step 4: Swim through bounty Scrooge McDuck-style. Of course even this does nothing for a padlock with a key, so when Madame Dade sees you trying to karate chop your way into bilingualism, you'll have to make your own Getaway.