Having someone take care of your every need is the ultimate luxury, but it seems the last time you received that much undivided attention it was from your mom, and you were in diapers. So follow the example of Royal Pains -- USA's new original series -- and hire yourself a professional.
Premiering June 4 at 10/9C, Royal Pains follows the fish-out-of-water adventures of Dr. Hank Lawson, a physician who loses his job after fighting for the life of a patient. Needing to get away, Hank escapes to the Hamptons with his brother and inadvertently finds himself becoming the most sought-after on-call doc in town. But you don't have to be a Hamptonite to command the kind of attentiveness Hank supplies. Here's a short list of real-life facilitators:
The Butler: Whether it's a 3-story condo on the shores of Lake Las Vegas, or a bachelorette party to spice up your MGM penthouse bachelor festivities, this one-time actual NYC butler can set it up. Also a former sous-chef at NYC's famed Plaza Hotel, the Butler can even prep the sort of gut-busting kickoff feast that'll...completely ruin you for entertaining bachelorettes.
Red Butler Elite: Red's basic services cover everything from difficult dinner reservations to yacht chartering, while their upgraded program provides life-improving bonuses like guitar lessons and surprise gifts of fine Scotch -- like Santa arriving early, to make up for that stupid Belgian waffle iron he gave you last year.
My Body Tutor: After an intensive phone consult, MBT provides custom workouts and diets, with daily email updates and weekly calls to ensure you're meeting goals. There's also a 24/7 support-network -- because when the urge for 3am deadlifts strikes, you can't ask your neighbor to monitor your form.
Of course, if you are in need of in-home surgical or plastic surgical assistance, you should hit usanetwork.com to check out everything Dr. Hank Lawson has to offer. Then invite mom over for the Thursday premiere, during which your praise of Dr. Hank's selflessness will be interpreted as the sort of implied criticism that's driven your mom to secretly hire a professional son.