There are so many occasions in life when "zero" becomes a positive: I have zero tolerance for fools. I have zero criminal arrests. I have seen that movie where the attractive woman gives up romance for her career only to find love in the unlikeliest of places zero times.
Well, you ain't seen nothing yet: introducing vitaminwater zero.
Now on a shelf near you, vitaminwater zero is a vitamin-packed line of delicious beverages containing zero calories per serving -- a veritable threesome of vitamins, flavor, and taste, except the zero calorie thing means that, unlike with other threesomes, you won't finish a bottle, then sit in the corner for hours wishing it had never happened. Designed to help you maintain an active lifestyle, the line's seven varieties each come with their own specific mission, from peach-mandarin recoup, to grape-raspberry mega-c, to mixed-berry go-go – which, by the way, is not that 80s song that those two dudes in shorts sang. Then there's green tea revitalize, orange rise, lemonade squeezed, and acai-blueberry-pomegranate XXX -- with...antioxxxidants? (Get your mind outta the gutter.)
For more info on bringing vitaminwater zero into your softball playing, biking, squashing, jogging, or possibly just briskly-walking lifestyle, just hit their Facebook page -- because you want zero calories, but you don't want zero friends.
You probably have a lot of friends, because you're smart, attractive, and funny, but why not make one more at vitaminwater zero's Facebook page? Do it.