Old sitcom characters are imprisoned by time, doomed to repeat the same anachronistic lines over and over, and show you that smile again...and again...and again. Well, one particularly wily character's broken out using his advanced knowledge of space, time, and sit-comedy, and it's Verified ALF. The first TV alien to take advantage of social media, the sarcastic, big-nosed Alien Life Form Gordon Shumway has finally jumped on the Twitter boat to keep the masses up to speed on everything from musings on feline deliciousness to general life frustrations, with remarkably clean spelling and punctuation considering how fat and hairy his fingers are. The 253-year-old has lost none of his trademark Melmacian snarkiness, as evidenced in his criticism of world affairs ("Putting humans in charge of the Earth is the cosmic equivalence of letting Eddie Murphy direct"), his unique powers of interpretation ("There was a note in the fridge 'ALF don't eat this.' Why would I eat a piece of paper?"), and his takes on confounding puppets, e.g., "Brian just asked me if I get Sesame Street on Melmac. I don't, and frankly I don't get it here either." -- so, you can fly a spaceship, but you can't learn one letter a day and count bats? Because it's just what he does, Alf also documents his drive to eat cats using any means necessary, with posts like "The cat won't fit in the toaster. Never mind, I'll make a peanut butter sandwich, where's the blender?", "Raining cats? You open the skylight and I'll get the relish.", and "You are getting sleepy. You... are no longer a cat. You are a bagel." Hinting he may have ulterior motives for joining up, of the 35 accounts ALF's following, 31 are cats, including Keyboard Cat, who you're completely sick of showing you that Cheshire grin again...and again...and again.