2009, the Year in Headlights

Drinks: As tipples were toppled, an underground court served up fresh justice, veteran nighthawks no longer thought they could dance, and leisure sport kingpins started up a clown school.

Food: Searching for sustenance, eaters crawled into a juice box and decided not to beware of Greeks bearing sloppy gifts, while Paul Newman revealed his Cool Hands were actually claws.

Gear: The year in fashion saw no problems whatsoever on the romantic front, though the Hells Angels' grandkids did adopt an epically contrary look.

Events: The people gathered together to try a scientific approach to sex only to stow away on a boat manned by California vagina sailors, but in the end everyone just watched some guy choking the chicken.

Services: To make New Yorkers' lives easier, many professionals brought their business home; meanwhile, one caring soul showed us new possibilities for the afterlife, leading some to feel they were taking the bus to Crazyville.