Lifestyle

Bayside 2! Electric Screechio!

Feeling nostalgic? Only have $8 in your bank account? Well, if you liked Saved By The Bell, you'll be transfixed and appalled by Bayside 2! Electric Screechio!, running tonight-Saturday.

Taking the "stage" in an Alphabet City bar, B2's the gleefully lowbrow sequel to last year's couldn't-be-further-off-Broadway Bayside! The Un-Musical. For that show, the producers took a few minor creative liberties, e.g., Slater was gay, Kelly couldn't keep her legs shut, and Lisa was played by a white chick. This year's crimes against the canon of television:

Kelly: is still a slut, knocked up with a college guy's baby.

Slater: is now illiterate. And possibly even gayer.

Jesse: has graduated from diet pills to blow.

Lisa: is played by a white transvestite.

Screech: is played by a woman, and at one point generously offers to give Lisa a Dirty Sanchez.

Mr. Belding: is a drunk, disembodied intercom voice who constantly alludes to having murdered his wife.

Zack: still has those grueling "Time out!" monologues that once anguished you even more than your raging envy over his "1502" SAT score

Everybody: has crabs, which is bad for them, good for you -- before the show, the audience is asked to chug beer/booze every time a cast member mentions their itchy predicament.

Warning: This isn't light satire. In fact, while last year's show left many laughing, it left many, many others confused, with a smoking crater where their soul could once be found. But it's cheap, it's in a bar, and it's an experience you'll never forget, no matter how much you drink.