Don't worry, your mom's too busy confiscating your Halloween spoils to notice this illicit King Size serving of Best Of sweetness
Emailed to Washington DC: Had Matter
From a DC-based, former customer service worker, Matter lives to custom-service you with handmade, wall-hanging junk-organizers, all handsomely cobbled together from recycled materials, just like Bruce Jenner.
Get the junk out of your trunk
Emailed to Nation: The F---ing Word of the Day
Vastly improve your vocabulary with irreverent language lessons from a blog that follows the mantra "it's easier to learn with sex, drugs, and f***ing swearing". Every day delivers a new word/definition, then uses it in a sentence you can fully understand, i.e. for "turbid": "Hey sh*thead, change the f***ing bong water, it's turbid", guaranteeing that in no time, you'll be an articulate degenerate.
Learn how to talk like a grown a** man
Emailed to Philadelphia: F-Troupe
With a new line just dropped at Old City's Reward Project, London-based F-Troupe crafts functional winter kicks that refuse to compromise on aesthetics, via a sensibly dapper look they call "quintessentially British...with an international appeal", like a sludge-resistant Mr. Belvedere.
Lace up your boots
Emailed to San Francisco: Ooma Telo
Dropping right now outta Palo Alto, OT's a sleek looking, mad-easy-to-setup device that hooks your house phone up to the Internet, making all domestic calls totally free (and international super cheap), while bringing a sweet suite of utilities your landline never had and guaranteeing tech-enabled crystal clear acoustics that other net phone services should really consider looking into.
Never pay to call your totally real girlfriend in Peoria again
Emailed to Atlanta: Diss Crazy
This new app from "two starving Atlanta actors" will recite a scathing diss in 13 categories (Yo Mama, What's That Smell, Hey Shorty, Playa Please...) in rap form, complete with original beats and lyrics. You choose from three animated rappers: Penny, a stubby dude from NYC; Flikka, a "competitive gamer" chick with purple hair; and Sandi, who works in customer service and "dislikes everybody", possibly because even in an iPhone app that could've made him anything, he works in customer service.
Have your dirty diss work done for you