Food & Drink

Chelsea/Flatiron Wine Tour

Despite the guilty pleasure that is global warming, NYC will soon be entombed in ice. Enjoy the not-yet-freezing weather with this Saturday afternoon tour of no-cost wine tastings.

Start: 3pm Chelsea Wine Vault's 9th Anniversary (1-6pm)75 9th Ave, in the Chelsea Market; ChelseaWineVault.comCWV's weeklong anniversary celebration culminates with this fest: 35 wines from around the world, plus unending trays of cheeses. That the Vault's lasted 9yrs giving away this much free booze is an economic miracle, though your inhuman thirst could be what finally brings reality crashing in.

3:30pm Appellation Wine & Spirits (3-6pm)156 10th Ave, between 19th and 20th; AppellationNYC.comAppellation is NYC's most ecologically conscious crushed grape retailer: all their wines (including Saturday's pours) are classified as "biodynamic", "sustainable", or other terms whose froofiness you'll mock despite being ashamed at not knowing what they mean.

4pm Burgundy Wine Company (~10:30am-7pm)143 W 26th St, between 6th and 7th; BurgundyWineCompany.comBWC will pour from a manly selection of wines harvested from Oregon's pinot noir-friendly soil. They'll also serve up Burgundy, harvested from Burgundy's Burgundy-friendly soil.

4:30pm Landmark Wines (3-7pm)167 W 23rd St, between 6th and 7th; LandmarkWines.comLandmark's going Old World on your ass with selections from Spain, Italy, France, and possibly a few other countries whose contempt for America doesn't stop them from filling our guts with delicious poison.

5pm Bottlerocket (5-8pm)5 W 19th St, between 5th and 6th; BottleRocketWine.comOminously dubbed "Wines with Extremely High Alcohol Content", Bottlerocket's event features a red and a white that both top 15% ABV. Obviously, this isn't for the swishing-and-spitting "it's not about getting drunk" crowd; it's for men who swallow.