Most neighborhood fests are populated by scarf-mongering gypsies and pushers of the dubiously edible "mozzarepa". For an NF that doesn't suck, hit Saturday's Clinton Street Crawl. The CSC is an all-day/into-the-night bender benefiting Big Brothers/Big Sisters, an organization whose benevolence is only outweighed by their fear of being associated with words like "bender". All in all, 30+ businesses are participating, including some off-Clinton establishments with textbook cases of Clintorus Envy. The highlights: Nothin' but Hooch: Bondi Road (gratis oyster shots), Barramundi ($3 wells/$3 drafts), and The Delancey (2-for-1 cocktails). Hooch/Food: On the high end, Frankies Spuntino will give you a 3-wine flight for $17 if you purchase $15+ in chow. Too much of a commitment? Take grotesque advantage of Summers' $3 taco/$3 draft deal, perfect for once you reach that razor's edge where you must eat and drink in equal quantities to survive. Shopping w/ Hooch Bribes: There's complimentary Prosecco at men's boutique 20Peacocks, comp cocktails at Aidan Savoy Gallery, and comp wine & cheese at both Spec. and Lola y Maria -- which should result in an evening of Spec. y Lolay Maria y You throwing up in a designer boot. Finally, if you're concerned about the effects crawling might have on your health, stop by the offices of this event's most random partner, David J. Ores, MD. He'll be handing out coupons for free blood pressure/cholesterol checkups, which'll reveal numbers so staggering, you'll feel their truth even with your eyes wrapped in a gypsy scarf.