One of America's most time-honored and hopeful maxims is "it's happy hour somewhere". Well guess what, sudsmuffin, that where is here, with the hilariously named, unquestionably useful Coovents.com. Like a treasure map for beer bullion, Coovents maps out happy hours currently in progress throughout six of the city's most popular boozing nabes, including the Village, the Willage, the LES, Midtown, Hell's Kitchen, and Williamsburg (you lose again, Roosevelt Island). Updated hourly, the site GMaps everything happening this very hour first, followed by a list of what's happening in hours upcoming, like a trail of bread crumbs to your AA-sponsored future. Click the map icons for more info, e.g., all drinks $5 and under at Continental (8pm-4am), $5 off marg pitchers/2-for-1 domestics at Tortilla Flats (4-7pm), $3 wells at Barramundi (6-9pm), and $3.50 Bud and Coors at O'Hanlon's (starting at 10am, the breakfast time of champions). Making things even more immediate, you can also text Coo's short code and the site'll send current happy hours right to your phone -- obeying the new American tradition of obeying whatever instructions arrive via shady anonymous text message.