There's more to the East River than body dumping. Thanks to intrepid pioneers like Captain Joe Shastay, this languid sewer can be your fisherman's paradise. For 15 years, this lunatic prophet has been guiding hopeful casters to optimal East River spots for striper bass, bluefish and "the emotionless beast that haunts the depths". Tours for 1-3 passengers can be scheduled year-round, anytime day or night, and generally run about 4 hours -- long enough to really enjoy some rod play, and get inside the mercurial head of Captain Shastay: his hopes, his fears, and his rigid code of maritime honor. When you're with Joe Shastay, you're virtually guaranteed to catch something. Fishing his conveniently located river is in many ways, vastly preferable to the ocean*, which takes forever to get to, and causes seasickness and "irrational" panic attacks. You'll also gain new perspective on New York landmarks like the Brooklyn Bridge, the Statue of Liberty and the UN building. What could be better than reeling one in, then raising a cold Natty Ice to Anwaral K. Chowdhury, UN Representative for Landlocked Developing Countries? Captain Shastay's fish-catching streak currently stands at 237 outings. He's so automatic we would dare you try and sabotage his aquatic, Jerry Rice-esque reign of dominance, if it weren't for the dark rumors: that on those rare occasions when Joe Shastay's clients do go without, he protects his rep by using the East River for its original, awful purpose.