After handing your salary to a bunch of acronyms (IRS/NYSDTF/NYCDF) last week, it's sensible to curtail certain luxuries, like dining out seven nights a week, or wearing ten pieces of expensive man-jewelry. But your health is not a luxury -- which is why Equinox is providing tax relief to anyone who joins by April 30th.
Join Equinox right now, and they'll give you a $250 gift card good for their top-notch spas, personal training, retail offerings, or towards your initiation fee, plus the month of May for free -- so by the time beach season arrives, your taut pectorals will more than compensate for your sagging wit. Once signed up, you'll get every body-enhancing amenity this side of on-site hair-plugging: cutting-edge workout and spa equipment, personal trainers with 150 hours schooling in kinesiology and anatomy, and 900+ classes ranging from yoga to boxing to Brazilian body surfing. Just as importantly, the setting befits a full-grown man, with Italian tiles, wood floors, stainless steel staircases, and toiletry-stocked locker rooms kept immaculate by a dedicated staff -- if you need grime for inspiration, you can always rope-pull buses at the Port Authority.
Conveniently, Equinox sports 16 Manhattan locations (with another coming soon to 2nd Ave and 74th), plus seven in Brooklyn, Long Island, and Westchester -- because when getting to your gym becomes a workout, you just end up curtailing fitness altogether, and pretty soon, your fingers become too fat for your many man-rings.