Gary Carter Raw

Twitter may allow you to hang on your favorite athlete's every word, but generally they just deliver the same cliches they give to reporters, plus the fact that this omelet is delicious. Get uncomfortably closer, at Gary Carter Raw.

Purportedly from the mouth of the Mets HOFer (and former coach of the Palm Beach Atlantic University Sailfish!), GCR provides presumably-faux insight into the mind of Kid Carter, who's blowing off the dugout doors on everything from Ozzie Canseco's love of hair metal & pyromania, to Greg Vaughn's religious experience with a cigar cutter. And oddly also on basketball. A few safe-for-work tidbits:

On Juice: Andre Dawson would kill a box of Capri Suns in the dug out. Then he'd give the straw to groupies to chew on

On Legacies: Cal Ripken Sr., actually had seven daughters before he had Cal and Billy. That's why they throw like girls

On...Skeeter Barnes!: Skeeter Barnes only came into the league for 2 things: to be the best damn infielder the cardinals ever seen, and to drink infidel blood

On Funk: I just found an old VHS tape of my 35th birthday-Lee Smith performed a 20 minute medley of Rick James for me as a gift

On Arson: Me and Marcus Camby used to light fires behind a Dunkin' Donuts in Framingham. One time it got out of control. We reported it & were heroes

Still miraculously under the radar, Raw's kicking out about three delicious thought nuggets per day, most of which are so spectacularly inappropriate, reading them when the wrong person's watching will leave your career totally scrambled.