There are times when you need a guide to push you in the right direction but leave you the freedom to choose your own path, even if it means you'll end up at Hamilton. Leading you to investment portfolio water without making you drink, Hedgeable.

Just officially launched, and vastly expanded from the beta version, Hedge comes from two brothers who managed billions on Wall St but saw the personal IRAs/401Ks they'd trusted to brokers vanish; accordingly, their site simplifies complex portfolio strategies and places them at the fingertips of everyday investors, eliminating bias by leaving the user to both execute and frantically shout "BUY! SELL! BUY! SELL!". Users with existing portfolios can upload their stock/ETF holdings into Hedge's Portfolio Analyzer, which features a credit rating-like "health report" based on proprietary methodology for analyzing performance and risk factors; real time, interactive graphs charting out historical performance vs. the S&P 500; and "flash analysis" on everything from optimal discount brokers (given trade volume), to portfolio actions that'll reduce risky exposures like so many fiduciary trench coats. A nominal monthly fee will also tap you into their portfolio management system, which promotes growth and protects against down swings through an average of one expertly-advised trade per month; should you choose to act on the advice, simply execute on your end, then update your Hedge account with the transaction volume/price, and, if applicable, the subsequent inflation of Sam Waterston's eyebrows.

As SEC-registered advisors, Hedge can also build you a custom ETF portfolio for a flat $50, all based on preferences sussed out via a detailed investment and risk questionnaire, though the best indication of your risk taking is the fact that your only safety school was Trinity.