The Israeli Krav Maga Association

Krav Maga's alluringly vicious, but true grandmasters practice almost exclusively in Israel, and the Promised Land's pretty far to travel even for the joy of becoming a nard-crushing badass. Instead, learn in the comfort of your own home, with the Israeli Krav Maga Association, taking students now.

Available in-home or office (or by appointment at private gyms), IKMA's run by James Sherman, one of six Israeli-certified American Krav senseis; his clients range from Olympic gold medalists to John Mayer, who was fed up with sadistic assailants making his body their wonderland. Holler at James, and he'll school you in basic Krav philosophy (give no quarter, quickly neutralize attackers, exploit all vulnerabilities, etc) and techniques like strikes to the groin and eyes, crushing windpipes, and headbutts, crucial for close-quarters brawling, and selfishly blowing your team's shot at the World Cup. The next level's defending against multiple attackers, disarming gun- and knife-wielding goons, using bats/pipes, and other Bronson-esque moves, until you're capable of "retzev", or continuous movement (but not your typical continuous movement, running away like a Sally).

Within the year, IKMA'll open its own private dojo, providing a centralized training ground and giving James & Co the ultimate convenience -- crushing your mushy taters in the comfort of their home.