Violent Gift: Orvis Sandanona Gift Certificate
An upstate shooting preserve built during Thomas Jefferson's presidency, Sandanona'll train you in basic shotgunning, then unleash you on twelve stations of shooting clays -- like holes on a golf course, except hearing "fore!" means you're the new Harry Whittington.
Read More | Get your bud a $200 gift certificate at Orvis.com
Dapper Gift: Still Life Hats
Wide-brimmed Fedoras, newsboy-like Giuseppes, and a houndstooth fabric'd piece called the "Oscar Wild" (because for the sophisticated deviant about town, that extra "e" would've been too obvious).
Read More | Ordering and directions at StillLifeNYC.com
Exotic Gift: Dream Car Tour
A lead-footer's dream, The DCT package lets you drive a succession of six absurdly expensive automobiles, including a Ferrari F430, a Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder, and an Aston Martin Vanquish. The highways-and-backroads tour lasts almost 5hrs, time for enough "Hooah!"s to make Chris O'Donnell curl into the fetal position.
Read More | 15% off gift certificates at GothamDreamCars.com
Drunkard Gift: BuiltNY Booze Totes
These sturdy one-, two-, and three-bottle totes are made from wetsuit neoprene -- because while you've been warned not to drink before scuba diving, no one said jack about drinking while scuba diving.
Read More | Find local retailers at BuiltNY.com
Another Drunkard Gift: Bottlerocket
Designed for the lay drinker, Rocket helpfully categorizes vino by food categories, takeout cuisine (burritos con rosé?), and, most practically, gift recipient -- Merlot for your boss, Pinot for your secretary, or Cisco, for Sisqo.
Read More | Ordering and directions at BottleRocketWine.com
People w/ hands gift: LaCrasia Custom Gloves
Glove-makers to the irrelevant but warm-fingered Kenny Rogers and Chaka Khan, LC's led by one of America's last "master glove makers", who'll match your hands to one of 320 known hand templates (unless you're a six-fingered man, in which case, prepare to die).
Read More | Details and directions at LaCrasia.com
Russian masochist gift: Okeanos Spa
De-stress with a traditional "Banyo and platza" regimen: Hot sauna, cold shower, birch-leaf beating, cold shower, hot sauna, cold shower, bread line, Afghan fiasco, Perestroika, cold shower.
Read More | Details and Directions at OkeanosClubSpa.com