Lifestyle

Pocono NASCAR Weekend

When the Pennsylvania 500 comes to the Pocono Raceway, Long Pond, PA, will show the world why it's ranked The Sporting News' 260th best sports city in America. Tickets and lodging go fast, so make plans for this epic weekend now.

Here's why it's worth the drive

Sunday's Race: Over 100,000 fanatics come to watch top drivers autograph unwed mothers' breasts before braving NASCAR's only true triangle track -- a crash-conducive course with three uniquely challenging hairpin turns. Whether you're sitting infield or grandstand, you can bring in a beer cooler (12" X 12" X 12", max). We suggest the RV-packed infield, where sunburned die-hards will educate you on stock cars, and how to knock out your gal with a single punch.

The Scene: The big pre-race parties are at area bars Nick's Lake House and Shenanigans. Surprisingly, many drivers show -- keep track of who gets tanked, and insightful race-day wagering will pay for your weekend

The Bonus: Saturday the 22nd's one of a handful of times per year that the Army Corps of Engineers releases the Lehigh River's dams. The resulting Class III rapids (WhitewaterRafting.com) are turbulent enough that you shouldn't be embarrassed if you get de-rafted, but should be embarrassed if you drown.

Call 1-800-POCONOS (or check Craigslist) to rent a condo, hotel room, or desperate man's family home. With you adding to the chaos, the Pond's bound to move up to 259 in next year's rankings. Hear that, Buies Creek, NC?