Regent South Beach
The idealized Miami vacation involves as much rap video-style tomfoolery as a man can muster -- but that's tough to swing in a hotel room so meager you can't even fit the word tomfoolery in it. Get some breathing room with a terraced suite at the Regent South Beach.
Just off the beach, this new resort sports 80 suites, 27 with private terraces big enough for twenty of your closest friends/one friend with gigantism of the ass. It's not just about space though: each 700sq ft patio has its own wet bar, hot tub, and 24hr dedicated butler service -- just in case your bash runs out of food, drink, or people willing to clean the food and drink out of the hot tub. For more elaborate open-air entertaining, the hotel provides professional cigar rollers and some of South Beach's finest mixologists, who'll teach your revelers how to make mojitos, flip bottles, and recede into the shadows when a mishandled bottle plummets five stories and ruins Jose Canseco's mullet.
Naturally, the hotel does have non-terraced features, including turndown service for your rental car and a restaurant that looks up into a glass-bottom pool. But considering the pantsless tomfoolery you'd witness frolicking above your dinner, you should just eat room service under the stars, with your butler.