Despite February's magnificence -- Mardi Gras! Leap Year! William Henry Harrison's Birthday! Pauly Shore's Birthday! -- it's also the month when New Year's resolutions die quietly in their sleep, reeking of loneliness and cat urine. Don't let February kill your spirit: enter the "Resolution Do Over".
Brought to you by health-food tyrannosauruses The Pump, The RDO's a free online opportunity to rededicate yourself to whatever goal you recklessly set Jan 1 -- and potentially win $1000 and a year membership to Crunch in the process. How it works: post your resolution, any relevant pictures, and some witty prose that'll keep other participants from getting as bored with your aspirations as you did; then simply update at will with your progress or pitiable lack thereof. To spur you on to greatness/quitting, users can comment on your posts, as can a Pump-assembled squadron of nutrition, fitness, and general ass-kicking experts; you're obviously free to respond in kind, or hide in a closet with dreams of vengeance and a pint of Ben and Jerry's "Imagine Whirled Peace".
At the end of 30 days, everyone votes on their favorite contestant: the one that's funniest, most original, and shows the most progress despite expending so much effort being funny. The winner gets the cash and the year membership, but everyone who signs up gets a free week pass to Crunch -- 7 days that'll resuscitate your pledge to get fit, though please refrain from rocking spandex, as nobody wants to see "The Weasel".